After more than two wasted hours, here is a list of incompetence and abuse received by customer "care" specials...and a tip for others:
First, my favourite - the just enter your number and we'll call you back lie. After being told I'd have to wait 10 minutes, I took them up on it and entered my number. After having to enter the three times because the stupid system felt I was taking too long (God help you if you aren't under 25 and a speed typist), they did in fact call back. After having to listen AGAIN to the five minute phone preamble, they did ring me through to an agent. And ring it did. Until the phone gods decided it had rung long enough (5 mins of ringing). Then it just hung up, and I had to start all over - at the back of the line, naturally (so many other customers to cut off I guess).
Of course, this is all after yesterday when I dealt with another (non)helpful customer "care" agent who could answer nothing I asked, and kept insisting that a view invoice option must be listed under a certain heading once I logged it. It wasn't. After a few more questions it became clear that this person knew even less than I did about navigating the FIDO website (which answers all the questions I don't have and none I did).
***Edited to add labels***